A Change of Names
by Winterherox2Summervillan
Summary: I was a nerd. Now I'm a ninja. How did that happen? Reincarnation I suppose, I did die after all.
1. 0 Ayame

Ayame did not want to take this mission. She had a bad feeling from before she even agreed. But it was as much a personal mission as it was professional. So she couldn't back out. No matter how much she wanted to.

So off she went on her terrible mission.

And she was pregnant. _("_ **PREGNANT!** With child! A soon to be mother!?" she had yelled in a panic at the team's medic)

She was on a mission. A possible suicide mission.

She tried to leave. Tried to get back to the village. Back to the father, her loving husband. But the enemy found her first.

 _He_ destroyed her comrades in seconds. _He_ had almost destroyed them too. (The baby, her little one was safe)

Instead _He_ took her captive. Because _He_ wanted her baby.

Ayame fought tooth and nail. But not her hardest. She couldn't risk her baby. She couldn't risk that precious child's life. Even if it meant _Him._

So she was captured.

And when her baby was born. Her beautiful baby girl was born and in the arms of a monster. Ayame screamed and screamed. Only to be dealt a killing blow. Her life finally worthless now that he had what he wanted.

Her last thought was for her baby. The baby she would never hold, never name, but was undeniably hers. She prayed for a miracle. A miracle that would save her precious daughter from this mad man.

Ayame whimpered her last breath.

..._...


	2. 1 The Beginning

Self inserts were a favorite of mine.

I never thought I'd be one.

I don't know how I got here or why - just that I am and I will be until I die. A simple truth every child knows without being taught. You live until you don't. They just need a lesson on the why and what that means.

I remember my death vividly.

It was just another day at work. A job I was lucky to have; a job that just so happened to take place at the very top of a glass building.

Like any normal person I was taking the elevator.

Unlike normal, the elevator decided it wanted to throw a tantrum.

As soon as the light flashed to the top floor I was turned toward the doors and ready to get out. Of course, I wasn't expecting the doors to _not_ open, or for the entire elevator to drop so fast gravity disappeared. I wasn't expecting to look into the eyes of a stranger and see the same shock and fear that I was sure mirrored my own.

I had always hoped for a nice sleeping death. Go to bed like normal just not waking up the next morning, that way I wouldn't feel anything. Death in an elevator was not at all how I wanted to go out, but it was happening.

We were falling fast, but time slowed. I remember seeing that man, looking into his eyes, and wishing I knew his name. I remember seeing my reflection in that man's beautiful eyes, and I remember the certainty of knowing I was going to die with him. I remember hearing screams as we hurtled down floor after floor. I remember thinking of my regrets. So many things I had done wrong, or not done at all. I remember wishing I had children, wishing I was married and had a family of my own.

Then I blinked.

My eyes didn't open again.

However if my story ended there, there would be no story.

Next thing I know I'm in Total Blackness. And I wanted to cry.

My only two fears: Being alone, and the dark.

I wasn't a very religious person, but I had my faith. I was a firm believer in heaven and hell. When I died I was fully expecting either the pearly gates of perfection or the burning underbelly of hell. What? I didn't have a spot reserved, it could go either way. Family would welcome me with open arms in any direction I went. Anyway, I was big on afterlife scenarios so I pretty much researched them all. All the possible Here After's fascinated me. All but one. One I dreamed of actually. The possibility of dying only to be trapped in an abyss was my worst nightmare. To have it happen was worse than realizing I was dead.

There was nothing but black. It was horrible and I was so scared. Fear took me over, so I never had the chance to wonder about my situation.

While I remember my death clearly, my rebirth leaves everything to the imagination. I have no memory of the actual birthing process and for that I am grateful.

My next memories begin with screams and blurring gray colors.

I am small and weak and crying.

The screams that are not my own are turning into sobs, and slowly into whimpers.

The hands that held me were cold and like rock. Their owner laughs, and hisses in a language I can't understand. A familiar tongue, and a familiar voice.

Soon there was no noise but my cries, and even that ended shortly. Not by my will; however, but by the will of the man who cut my vocal cords.

…_…

Before I knew it I was wishing for my Black void again.

It wasn't hard to realize I was reborn. Or that the dark abyss I had been floating around in was actually the womb. The hard part wasn't even the where. No, as soon as my owner held me up close to his face for the first time and my blurry vision cleared enough I knew.

Orochimaru.

I had seen his face and immediately burst into hysterics.

Orochimaru debarked me like a dog the second after I was reborn. Feel the resentment.

I was reborn.

Why or how this happened. That is something I will most likely never know.

Why I was in the care of Orochimaru is another mystery. Of course I have my theories. I am treated like a pet or a future test subject. Never a human being.

No experiments have been started on me, but I believe that has more to do with my age. I am only a baby. There can't be a huge supply of infants lying around.

One of my theories is that he plans to raise me as the perfect pawn. A child that knows nothing but what he says, a child that, if he let it, could grow up praising him as God. This of course is my hopeful best option. Something that will most likely not happen, but is very hard not to wish for.

For all I know he's just waiting for a good experiment starting day. Like Hades.

As of right now I'm kept isolated. In a pitch black room.

My fears come to life once again.

I can't cry, well I can, but it comes out as soft squeaks and fat tears. So, even as my baby instincts force me to cry when in need of something no one hears. Just as I'm sure no one cares.

Only when it's time for my little checkups do I get any light, and even that is small and barely there. Those checkups consist of a quick rub down with a wet cloth and a small feeding. Never done by Orochimaru. He only comes for short little visits which vary. Which is why I have the pawn theory.

Mostly I am crying. Crying because of hunger, fear, home sickness, and all around gross stuff that's stuck to me because _someone_ won't clean me properly. But mostly I cry from fear.

I am not suited for this kind of stuff. I love Naruto, but being in it? Being a stepping stone for Orochimaru's master plan? I-I just can't. I'm scared. I'm alone. I'm trapped. _I'm a BABY._ Honestly, I think I'd be happier if someone just killed me. At least then I might end up somewhere other than here.

If it wasn't for my baby instincts I don't know what I would have become. I had it though and because of it only a quarter of my new life was spent awake, the rest was spent drawn back into myself thinking, and dreaming.

…_…

To force my mind on other things, I decided I would learn how to crawl.

I thought about it long and hard. The cons being it might be too early for someone my age to start learning, and Orochimaru might find out somehow and think I'm some prodigy. The pros being I would start developing muscles, and if I don't start now I could be risking starting too late. There was no way to determine the passing of time in my dark room. Of course, none of that really matters. I will be a lab rat in this life and building muscles is something a lab rat does not need to do. I just need something to keep me occupied, not thinking.

I started trying to flip onto my stomach, which began in epic failure. I felt like a turtle on its back. And of course that simile had me bursting into tears.

It took me a while to start trying again. Failure was always hard for me to take. Baby or otherwise.

When I had finally done it I refused to actually try crawling until I knew I could flip back over. Which was –It turns out- a wise decision since I couldn't. In the end I was flipped back over during my feeding.

…_…

Teething started exactly when my chakra started developing.

In comparison teething was nicer. At least I could chew on my baby fist and gain a little bit of relief. There was no relief for my chakra coils. Then again my fist tasted disgusting –and that would be the baby attention span kicking in with a new topic.

It was on one of these moments were I was gnawing on my tiny fist and thinking about its taste that Orochimaru came to visit.

Even in the dark, even as a baby his presence was unmistakable. Like a giant staring down the insect he's about to squish. Guess who the insect is.

I had not actually seen Orochimaru's face since that first time. It was always his shadowy silhouette in the doorway- that sometimes talked- but this time he came in and picked me up.

I was taken into the hall for the first time in forever it seemed. I was able to see color even if it was a bit blurry and in dark shadow shades. It was nice, but I was in Orochimaru's arms. I cried. It seems that's all I do any more.

I was carried through a maze of halls for hours it seemed like. My gums pulsed with pain and the chakra in my stomach felt sharp and new against my insides. He never stopped or slowed until we came to the room he wanted.

I was washed properly for the first time in my new life. That was the clear sign that the planets had finally aligned. I cried harder.

When I was clean I was laid on a cool table, and my little limbs were strapped down.

If I hadn't been so scared or sobbing like an idiot I might have watched and listened to what he was doing. But I was sobbing like an idiot and making myself sick. Which is why I was so surprised when instead of clean cuts, peeled away skin, and some strange new toxin being tested I was being invaded with energy. I was so surprised the trail of hot tears down my cheeks slowed to a stop immediately.

In most fanfics, because babies didn't have fully developed chakra coils an outsider could not invade that child's body with huge amounts of chakra. I thought that made pretty good sense. You don't start giving newborns their shots, no, you wait awhile before you start sticking needles. Before you start anything with babies really. So sense right? Right. Forget the babies that get massive chakra beasts sealed in them.

The point is people wait for a stability in children before starting anything serious. In every world.

Orochimaru was _not_.

He forced his chakra into my body until his and mine touched.

He poked and he prodded.

I whimpered.

His chakra gripped mine in a hold like steel and _pulled._

The breath left my lungs and my body started to seizure.

He _pushed_ and he _pulled_ and he _stretched_ and _compressed._ He _ripped_ and repaired.

Again and again

 **Over and over**

I screamed in silent mindless agony

It was only the beginning.


	3. 2 Lab Rat & Alone

I became a chakra experiment.

It was horrible. The procedures were done carefully, but viciously. Everything was calculated and drawn out.

It **_burned_** _._

There is no way to describe how an unfinished chakra system feels or how it feels as it is being distorted and pushed beyond limits it hasn't even made yet. All I can say is that it **_burns_** and it **_screams_**. I can't even black out from the pain. Not to mention the horrible fear.

My healthy fan fear of Orochimaru became complete and utter _terror_ , real terror, and real life fear.

The good news, I suppose, would be that I am no longer isolated. Turns out that a lot of babies are lying around after all.

The other babies and I are being held in the same room now. It's still dark, but now instead of just a cleaning and a feeding, we are taken to a room with light and encouraged to move around. Which is hard with the crippled chakra. Only a few actually try to move. Me sometimes one of them. Not always.

Sometimes things are added to my chakra. I suppose that means the other babies as well but you never know. Only reason I know is because after all the tests and experiments I've grown hyper aware of my own chakra. And slowly, overly aware of every one else's too.

I was becoming chakra sensitive. How else could I explain how the other infants' feel like fire? Fires that are broken and burning away like me. Fires that were more heat than actual flames, they haven't been given a chance to form themselves yet after all. Or the way I could feel Orochimaru's very being slither over my skin like ice. Or how when he invades my chakra system it feels like thousands of tiny snakes slithering under my skin and biting into everything, spreading their poison happily.

At the beginning when I was first placed with the other infants I would cuddle up to the ones next to me. That way the dark wouldn't seem so horrible. Not being alone made it not so horrible even if my comfort was coming from a random baby. Now that I'm chakra sensitive though I can no longer do that. Even if they were not actually flames yet they still burned when touched.

Not to mention Orochimaru's little experiments were starting to get even more unbearable if that was even possible.

Lucky me I've blocked a lot out. All I remember later will be shallow watered down versions.

I still cried a lot. I don't think I'll ever stop.

That's how my life was spent.

…_…

After so long I was finally starting to pick up the language.

Whatever Orochimaru was doing with my chakra lately screwed something right and the language just clicked. Its sad how I can finally learn the language that fascinated me in my past life with no effort, and in a life were it will be absolutely useless and brings little to no happiness.

"The procedure is providing interesting developments, however not the desired results….Perhaps a new method is required." The snake of a scientist thought out loud.

…_…

Our numbers are slowly decreasing.

The babies were slowly dropping like flies. Less tears and more cold bodies.

Little flames blown out before getting a chance to shine.

Mine too would go out soon I suppose.

…_…

Something was changing.

With each new procedure there was less pain, less invasion of my chakra.

Orochimaru was growing more and more frustrated.

…_…

"My little lab rats are _repelling_ me." He hissed.

Orochimaru was a scientist. The first that cannot also be called a medic. He was a man of discoveries. A man who wanted and reached for it.

Orochimaru was a ninja. What a ninja wants they take, because in the life of a shinobi you, comes before all others.

That was why he had started this experiment.

Orochimaru wanted to live. There was many a jutsu that would allow that, but they require bodies, time, and certain requirements. Not forgetting the amount of strain it causes if the owners of the future vessels struggle.

Orochimaru wanted to see if he could make the perfect vessel. A vessel that would meet all the requirements and that would not struggle when it was time.

That requirement involved the chakra. Chakra needed to meet certain standards before Orochimaru could use the body. As such it was the chakra he experimented with.

The plan was simple. Use an infant whose chakra was undefined and forming, and see if he could mold it to fit his needs. Like clay he had thought.

His plans had worked in the beginning.

All of the subjects had appeared to be following his wishes.

Their chakra enlarged. They started to become compatible with his.

Then their systems shuddered and reconfigured to try and repair what he had torn apart. When Orochimaru had tried to fix this setback the chakra system had shut down completely, killing the subject. This was repeated in various ways with all of the infants, each trying to recreate what he had broken, then he would try to break them again, which would lead to chakra failure.

All but one died.

This one would not conform to his whims. What Orochimaru had created in this child had unraveled, only a few properties of its chakra was made by his influence. When he had tried to correct the chakra into what he wanted it had shuddered and moved into its place, however, the next time he looked it would have returned to the place he had not wanted it to be.

He was intrigued at first, so he had tried with more enthusiasm.

Then the brat had started to repel him.

The chakra started acting like a magnet. Repelling his chakra because it was incompatible or perhaps because he was acting in a harmful manner, he would never know. And after several more tries of not being able to even get near its chakra no matter what he tried, Orochimaru stopped caring.

"Enough." He said. "I have wasted enough time on this _useless_ experiment. Time to move on."

That is what he did.

Orochimaru locked the still living infant into the room with all the failed experiments, and then he left. He did not look back and he never came back.

…_…

He left me to die.

I suppose I can't really blame him.

A useless lab rat.

Good. He's already a crazy super powered genius. He didn't need whatever we were meant for.

I could crawl, I could walk like the toddler I am meant to be, I could probably even talk if my voice worked.

I had lived through Orochimaru.

I was going to die alone and from starvation. Or maybe some real rat would find its way in and eat me alive.

I cuddled up next to some random body in the dark. I cuddled and cried silent sobs and tried to pretend like I wasn't alone.


	4. 3 Jiriaya

_Ayame prayed for a miracle._

 _._

He had been searching for what already felt like years. Well, more years than it actually was.

He hadn't even been searching for that long.

He had been mourning. Mourning the death of his student. He still was, but he was also searching for his lost teammate now.

The teammate that had betrayed everything. And everyone.

Sometimes, he found himself wondering where it all went wrong. Sometimes he can convince himself that it was the wars fault. War changes people he'd argue, and it does. No one enters a war and leaves without scars. Exactly how far can old wounds affect new decisions though? Tsunade was broken by a death on the battle field as well as the death of her brother. She disappeared and never came back because of it. Orochimaru had fallen into a sort of madness.

Jiriaya, in those moments where he wonders, questions how much of his old teammate's actions today were influenced by scars. Tsunade the healer and Orochimaru the prodigy. Was Tsunade eventually going to run no matter what happened? Did she want to escape all of the death and carnage that was the life of a shinobi? Was her precious people's death the final push she needed to finally leave the world she hated?

And Orochimaru, he was always the genius always the better one in everything, but was he always the mad genius? When did he start taking instead of asking. When did he start pushing boundaries that no human should ever cross? Was he always willing to destroy and corrupt for his own personal gain? Did the war make him cruel or were we blind to his true nature? Was it a scar that made him demand to be powerful? Or perhaps he was always power hungry.

So many questions to ask, but never any answers and never anyone to turn to for comfort.

But worst of all, was it his fault? Could he have done something to save his comrades in some way? If he had done something would today be any different? Would they become what they are now later if it was?

Jiriaya forced himself to focus. Today because of a request from his old Sensei; apparently, the old man had sent out a team to locate Orochimaru (for whatever reason) and no one had returned (as should be expected). The only reason Jiriaya had agreed to change the direction of his personal search was because a body that had been missing had turned up. A body that had been missing from the search party two years ago. The rotting corpse of someone he knew, someone he _liked_. An old friend of his dead student.

Jiriaya did not know why the body was dumped out where it could be found, or who did it (because it definitely was not Orochimaru) but it was the only reason he had agreed to do this. The body had been found only very recently by accident. The autopsy showed she had died sometime within the first year after she was proclaimed dead. Meaning she had been held captive. He did not want to know how she died and n one told him. Any other information that could have been gleaned from the body was lost because of decomposition.

So he was searching for where she was dumped from.

So far he had found nothing but normal forest things. Forest floor, forest trees, forest animals. Jiriaya was _beyond_ frustrated. He wanted to ring someone's neck. Preferably Orochimaru.

Then he stumbled. On a genjutsu. Well, he tripped on the latch of a door, but the genjutsu was what was covering it which is why he tripped.

"Never telling that to anyone." He mumbled to himself. The great toad sage, tripping on a trap door.

Quickly he negated the jutsu and prepared himself. Prepared to fight. Prepared to kill an old friend if need be.

Then he jumped in.

No second thoughts.

His first impression was that it was dark. Then he was too busy searching for life to notice anything further.

Room after room he searched sticking to shadows and staying light on his feet.

Empty

Empty

Empty

EmptyEmpty

EmptyEmptyEmpty

EmptyEmpty

 **Empty**

His second impression was that it was abandoned.

Now he was just angry.

Like a man searching for what he knows is not there, Jiriaya tried to sense out the place for life in a last ditch effort of hoping this whole trip had not been in vain.

Then a whispered presence touched his senses.

His eyes snapped open and he took off running down the hall. Right left then right again running before this one could slip away from him to. Hanging on to the signature he made sure to keep his steps silent as much as strong.

He reached the door in no time it seemed.

He wasn't prepared for what was on the other side.

When he opened the door -keeping to his silent predator presence- on the other side was nothing but little bodies. Tiny little baby bodies filled the entire room. It wasn't a big room, but it wasn't small either and as he stepped inside he noticed that the infants all ranged from just born to something around the toddler age. It was a horrible sight even for a trained shinobi.

"Orochimaru… what have you done…" some part of himself wondered if this was how his Sensei had felt when he caught Orochimaru in the act.

Somewhere close by he heard a small sniffle and his reason for being in this room came stomping back, shoving his horror at the scene to the back of his mind.

Jiriaya turned searching for the source.

The room was dark like the rest of the place. Before the shadows would have helped, now they were a hindrance. So he got out a torch from his equipment and lit it.

Being able to see in better detail did not help calm his growing disgust.

Almost immediately there was a soft squeak and he turned to the direction quickly. And there staring at him was a little girl. She was sobbing her heart out but she remained silent except for the squeaks that were starting to sound more like gasps. She was small, and if she had not been looking at him he would have looked over her as another corpse. Her skin was thin and sickly pale with a long scar on her neck. Her eyes red and almost swollen shut; most likely from crying, but she was looking at him.

.

 _Ayame prayed for a miracle._

 _._

If Jiriaya had not been so surprised he might have paid more attention to how she was looking at him. Almost like she recognized him, but he was too focused on her looks and pushed that aside as unimportant and forgot. What _was_ so important was that she looked like Ayame.

.

 _Her prayer was answered._

 _._

Jiriaya slowly stepped closer to the child. Stepping around the others carefully.

"Hey there kid," he said in his best comforting voice as he slowly reached out, "Let's get out of here, okay." Slowly he took the child into his arms and rapped her up in his vest. Jiriaya made sure the child was protected in his arms before he started running. It was time to go home for a visit.

The child just cried and cried.

 _And this was how._


	5. 4 A Bittersweet Home

What were the odds? I thought without humor. Hope at last.

I almost had not noticed him. If it wasn't for his chakra signature I wouldn't have

Chakra is misleading.

In the little time I have been around other people in this world I have found chakra to be a mystery. More mysterious than I ever gave it credit for in my first life. As aware of it as I am, I have learned chakra can introduce itself through almost every sense. It can be smelled, tasted, and felt.

So imagine my surprise when, out of nowhere, I feel a presence that leaves a sweetish bitter tang on my tongue. Of course I thought it was Tsunade or some kind of healer because of it, but hey I've learned from this.

Where Orochimaru felt like poison, Jiriaya felt like the cure. A surprising description considering Tsunade was the healer. Of course, he still had a part of him that felt like toad but in my defense the medicine is a bit over powering.

There was no noise so I guess he thought he was coming into enemy territory.

Nothing but bodies left behind. Didn't want any clues lying around for the right hands or worse hands I suppose.

At the moment my savior was trying to find the way out I think. With all the rushing around it was hard to tell. I was also still crying. No these are not happy tears, these are hopeless tears. Jiriaya can only do two things with me: Raise me as his own (which he will never do), Drop me off as a rapped package for Konoha, or well I guess three things he could do with me, drop me off at an orphanage which will likely happen even if he leaves me in Konohagakure. An orphanage is not a fun place to be in in this world.

Light burst behind my closed eyes, and even though my eyes are indeed closed I feel blinded anyway. My cries simmer down to nothing but a snotty sniffle.

Slowly I crack my eyes open only to quickly shut them again, unaccustomed to such bright light. Then slowly so slowly I crack one eye open to get comfortable then I open the other even slower. For the first time in this new life I am outside.

I'm going to be an outdoors-y kid in this life, I can't help but think.

We were moving fast so I couldn't really make out the landscape, but I could see flashes of green and brown surrounding us. It was warm and bright and there was a giant blue sky hanging above our heads. It was a beautiful day.

"Like the outside kid?" Jiriaya asked.

Reluctantly I turned my eyes away from the sky to the man holding me.

The sun shined like a halo behind him and his lips were turned into a sad grin. The colorful landscape rushing behind us.

He looked like a hero. A picture perfect hero.

And this time when I broke out into tears they were happy, because no matter what happened next I had this moment. This one happy moment were I was saved from the dark and not alone. So I cried, but this time I also cuddled closer to my very own hero.

As my hero tried to calm me down with awkward coos I fell asleep in his big arms. Holding on tightly to him as we rushed ahead.

…_…

It was dark.

 _W_ **hic** _h_ w _as_ _ **n**_ **'t** a _n_ yth **in** g **ne** _w_ , **_bu_** t t ** _his_** was **we** _ird_ **. I th** ** _in_** **k.** T **he** la _st_ t **hin** _g_ _I_ r **em** e _mb_ **e** r… **_act_** _u_ _ **a**_ ll ** _y_** **I do** _n_ **'t ha** _ve_ **a la** ** _st_** **t** hi **ng. My** ** _me_** m ** _ories are all ju_** mbl ** _ed all_** **the** ** _th_** _in_ _ **gs th**_ _at_ _ **have happened in this life and the last**_ _we_ _ **re**_ _all_ _ **m**_ **ix** ** _ed._** _Ev_ _ **ery**_ th ** _ing_** _th_ a _t_ _ **ma**_ **d** ** _e_** _m_ _ **e,**_ **m** e, **w** _as_ **i** _n_ ch **ao** s **.**

 _I felt lost._

 _T_ _ **h**_ _at sho_ **uld** _be s_ **ca** _ry in_ _ **itself, but**_ _it was_ **m** o **r** e ** _l_** _ike_ t ** _h_** e ** _kin_** d _of lost_ _ **you get**_ w _he_ **n you lo** _ok_ _ **at a**_ m **a** p f ** _or the fi_** rst ** _ti_** _m_ _ **e. All the squig**_ _gly lines_ _ **overl**_ appin ** _g into_** **a pile** ** _of_** _lines all different_ **ly colo** ** _red_** **wi** th **s** ** _o_** **me s** _tars_ **a** ** _nd_** **s** _po_ **ts spri** _nkle_ **d in over** _top_ **of** _so_ **m** _e weird shapes unde_ **rneat** _h it_ **all** _. No_ **thi** _ng_ **m** _ak_ **es** ** _se_** _n_ se ** _and_** _y_ **ou** _get_ **so co** _nfuse_ **d, then so** ** _me_** **on** e **e** xp ** _lain_** **s the** ** _k_** **e** _y_ **and e** _very_ **t** h **ing s** ** _ee_** **ms more** ** _orga_** nize ** _d. T_** _hat_ _ **'s wh**_ _at_ _ **w**_ _a_ _ **s w**_ ron ** _g I_** _just_ _ **ha**_ dn' **t** ** _fo_** **und** ** _the_** _ke_ _ **y**_ _ye_ _ **t.**_

 **So I was lost.**

Then there was a loud CRACK and everything started to make sense again.

My memories sorted themselves into two piles: The **Before** and The _After_ of my death, then they started building.

 **The Before pile was filled with happy memories. Times that were comforting and warm and where I was loved. I felt more inclined to this side. It was all that was left of my home.**

 **This pile gathered itself and made brick walls that were so often used to create the buildings I used to live in and visit. These walls made room after room after room aft—**

 _The After pile was filled with fear and hate and sorrow. Memories that were like nightmares. This pile shifted through what should be air and scattered itself as mist through a black landscape that seemed endless—_

 **-er room which stretched high and connected to form a giant building that was built in the middle of nothing.**

 **What had not been used before swept through the many rooms and raised thousands upon thousands of book cases from the ground which was filled to the brim with a variety of books in each, quickly followed with winding staircases and moving ladders. There was no doors out and no outside.**

 _-the black void which was filled with a light mist used its own left overs. The left overs rose up from what was the ground and smoothed and glossed itself until they reflected true. Thousands upon thousands of mirrors were born hidden in mist and trapped in a black void._

I was split into two so that both spaces could be completed.

 **The old me, the me that died took the library. The space that was made to look like an elaborate and giant library from my old world. Filled with light and barely any shadows.**

 _The me that was raised as an experiment, the me that was still a baby made the Void of Mirrors her domain. She had been raised in the dark. In her life it was always in the light when the monster came out to play, so there was hardly any light there._

Both were me though and it sent me reeling to suddenly have two view points and still be one.

 **It's hard to describe, but the easiest way would be the old 3D movie glasses. One sides lens would be blue and the other red, you could shut one eye and see only one color but you wouldn't be seeing the whole picture. If you kept both eyes open you can see the whole picture but the two colors will not mix and your eyes focus trying to mix the two sides giving you a different perspective.**

 _It was nauseating._

 ** _Forci_** _ng_ _ **m**_ _ys_ _ **el**_ _f_ **n** o **t to** p **an** _ic_ **I p** _ull_ **e** ** _d_** **m** ys _el_ **f t** _og_ **e** _t_ **h** _er_ **a** _n_ **d** ** _s_** _h_ _ **ut**_ **an e** _ye_ **to** ** _o_** **ne s** id **e.**

 _The first thing I noticed was that it was cloudy and the second that I was on my back. On this side I was in my baby body. Strangely, even though there was no light I could see everything clearly. The mist was the only thing that was obscuring my vision and it wasn't that bad._

 _Am I dreaming? Then quickly shook that thought away._

 _No, if this was a dream I wouldn't be asking questions._

 _Slowly I took in my surroundings more carefully. Mirrors and mist and black. It didn't seem so bad, I guess._

 _Toddling through the many rows of oddly spaced mirrors I realized that none had my reflection. Continuing my walk through. As engrossed as I was with my surroundings I didn't notice I was walking into a dead end until I walked right into it and fell back._

 _As soon as I had touched it the mirror had shimmered and rippled like water. Surprised and on my butt I stared at the mirror that did not show my reflection, but was showing a memory. The memory of when I was gathered with the other infants after the first test played like a rerun. I was shocked. All I did was stare as the scene played out before my eyes._

 _Then pain. Horrible unrelenting pain. It spiked sharply like a migraine and kept jabbing._

"A maze." _a voice said._

 _I was struck. Someone was here._

 _It hurtithurtithurt—_

 _My eye shut to the voi_ _ **d**_ **and the other eye opened.**

 **I woke up once again only curled into a ball this time.**

 **The pain was still there, but it was more bearable now. More migraine and less head stabbing.**

 **I sighed in relief as I slowly uncurled and attempted to get up, only to notice I was wearing cloths. Not only was I** **not** **naked, but I was older. My old body.**

 **Sitting up I took a closer astonished look at my hands. They looked exactly as I remembered them. Several scars camouflaged from view laid on my fingers, and a few pale scars hovered in perfect view on top of my hand in some places. They were my hands, my** **real** **hands. All pale and scratched up from some animal's fury and my own clumsiness.**

 **I cradled them to my chest and cried and laughed, because I never thought I would miss them as much as I did.**

 **It didn't last long as I rushed to check over the rest of me. I was wearing my favorite old jeans that were faded and thin from so much use, and an old T-shirt of my Dad's that I loved to wear. My long brown hair was in a neat braid down my back, I was even wearing my favorite sandals.**

 **I cried harder with each new discovery until I was nothing but a blubbering mess on the floor clutching my Mom's glasses.**

 **They were Mom's but as much as I wore them they were more mine than hers. We were so close to having perfect vision, but not quite. It was a family gene I think. It never really bothered anyone until it did, and even then it was a minor annoyance. Easily forgotten. One day Mom decided she wanted to get rid of that annoyance though, so she got some glasses at the next free clinic. Funnily enough she could never remember to wear them, so I would carry them around for her. Somehow, we ended up sharing them. I would wear them almost every day and if I wasn't she was. Their reappearance now brought back so many memories of her it physically hurt.**

 **Eventually I was able to pull myself together enough to remember I was not me anymore. At least, not this version. So I wiped my eyes, replaced the glasses on my nose, and wished for a tissue as I wiped my nose with the bottom of my shirt.**

 **Finally, I looked up. And I was in a library.**

 **Sniffling and puffy eyed I shakily stood up. The pain in my head was still present, but after crying everything felt numb so it was easy to ignore.**

 **Slowly I took in my surroundings. I was clearly in a library surrounded by books, but why? As I walked around I noticed the place was huge and had its own way of navigation. Almost every turn I made ended in a dead end. And even though the books all ranged from thin to thick, paper back to hard back, even colors none of the books had titles.**

 **Flipping through a random book I stopped to read a random page. I read the whole page and only realized what I was reading when I started reading the next one.**

 **It was a giant description of my best friend.**

 **I had started reading in the middle of a description of how her hair looked in high school. It was a slim book but it still had a surprising amount of information. It was only about her physical appearance though, and only of her high school look.**

 **I looked through many other books to find something similar about other people I knew in high school. Mostly I found physical descriptions, but some personality books were scattered in the midst.**

 **Some books were a retelling of books I had read as a teen, these were thick. Some were nothing but class notes.**

 **Confused I gathered a pile to read through only to feel a ripping sensation.**

 **I screamed as the library faded.**

…_...

My eyes opened for the third time. This time was different though. This time I woke up in someone's arms. This time everything hurt and there was a kind of burning in my system that was washing away too slow to be comfortable.

Chakra surrounded me like a cage leaving me dizzy and dazed from over load.

"Chakra sensitive," I think I'm gonna be sick, "not a sleeper agent."

Wh-whats going on? Where was I? Where am I now?! I silently freaked out as the room seemed to spin.

"I see."

Spiningspiningspining

"I should know better by now. How could I have allowed this? "

The spinning seemed to be slowing down a bit now, but my stomach still felt like the inside of a washing machine.

"What's done is done." A voice rumbled next to my ear.

"Should we contact the next of kin?" Slowly the chakra seemed to be pushed away from me and breathing became easier as well.

"Are you sure she cannot be linked to him in any way?"

"Yes." There was a pause before this voice continued, "However, there is still quite a bit of information that you should know."

"About Orochimaru?"

"No the child."

A voice sighed, "Very well then. Contact the family, Anko-kun as well." One of the chakras that had been overwhelming me abruptly disappeared at that.

"Hey, look who decided to wake up." Rumbled the man holding me. Who -now that I was less over whelmed- was Jiriaya going by the medicine-y taste of his chakra.

Looking up only proved me right.

"Hey," he cooed.

Surprised to still be in his arms (when I fully expected him to have dropped me off with the first stranger he saw) I squeaked softy.

His grin changed into a slight grimace.

It was quiet for only a moment.

"You may continue Inochi-san."

My whole body froze. Inochi as in Ino's father. Did, did I just get mind rapped?

"Yes Hokage-sama."

Hokage. Oh God.

Ok. So, that explains the library and the mirrors, I guess. But how am I still alive? Or why? Did he or did he not see my memories of my past life?

…_…

It was a nice day. Until that damn Anbu appeared.

So, now as she flew across the roof tops she silently cursed the stupid Anbu that interrupted her dango break.

Coming to the Hokage building, and like all the best shinobi, instead of entering through the door she slid the window open and entered, calling out a greeting as she did. Inside was of course the Lord Third but also Tsume.

"This isn't going to be a nice talk is it." The Hokage looked grim. That was the only clue anyone needed to know something bad was about to happen.

"No." he answered simply.

Taking her place next to Tsume they faced the Hokage together. It was only then that she noticed the child in the Hokage's arms.

"Tsume-san, Anko-kun" he started, "the last time I called you here it was to inform you personally of the fate of Inuzuka Ayame." He paused contemplating how to go on.

Anko had tensed up as soon as the name was mentioned. The seconds ticked by.

"Her body has been found." He said and Anko- for a moment- fooled herself into believing this to be the Hokage's version of a step toward closure. It did not last long. "As well as her child." Their eyes almost as one snapped to the child.

"Is that?" asked Tsume in a quiet voice that was unnatural to her normal self.

The Hokage nodded slightly.

"She was pregnant?" she asked in that same quiet tone. "Why did she…"

"I do not think she knew." The Hokage answered grimly, "I do not think anyone knew."

"Normally I would pass the child to you, Tsume, but—"

"But Ayame asked for something different." She finished.

"Yes," he sighed, "Ayame-kun asked Anko-kun to be made guardian as well."

"What! No!" Anko yelped. "How could she have even asked for that?! I thought she didn't know she was pregnant!" Her tone was loud. Almost unnoticed was how the child began to cry silently as her volume grew.

"She asked for this when she married. This was not a last minute wish, Anko-kun, Ayame planned for many scenarios. This being only one."

Anko was about to continue her argument of why she was not taking in her friend's child, when Tsume demanded her attention with a booming, "Anko!" they glared in a silent challenge, "After everything Ayame has done for you, you would refuse her this one wish?" she asked.

The Hokage sighed wearily drawling back their eyes, "Normally I would not push this issue; however, the child was in _his_ care."

Anko was strung tight like a bow. "Ayame— she … Ayame went after _him_?"

The Hokage closed his eyes, "It was meant to be a scout mission, but yes. And her child paid for my hasty actions."

This time it was a tense Tsume who asked the next question. "The child was…?" Her eyes locked to the child in question.

He nodded in answer to her unfinished question. "Because of that I want Anko-kun to be close by to watch the child for signs of _his_ influence. I do not want any surprises."

"I don't understand…" Anko mumbled.

"You are one of my most trusted and loyal shinobi, despite what the village believes, but you were under his influence longer than any other. You know his tricks and his way of thinking." Looking down to the child in his arms his eyes hardened, "If this child is to be his next trick I want you to uncover it."

Tsume stepped up to his desk with arms stretched out. "May I?" Silently the child was placed in her arms. She bounced and rocked the child until it was calm once again. "Mute?" She asked. Only then did Anko notice that the child had made no noise.

"His doing."

And somehow the child ended up in her arms.

Looking down at the child Anko noticed the cut across its neck. "The vocals were cut?" she asked. The unasked question being why it was not healed here in Konoha.

"Yes, it is too old to reverse the affects."

Tsume half uncovered the infant to see the gender.

"What do you think, any names coming to you?" Tsume questioned Anko still watching the infant, "I've already named two kids. Hey, it's a girl."

"Sasayoke."

Their eyes once again snapped to the Hokage.

"Hokage-sama?" they asked in unison.

"It was a whisper that saved her, I thought it an appropriate name as well."

Their eyes returned to the child. The child watched back.

"Welcome to Konoha, Sasayoke-chan." Tsume greeted.


	6. 5 Settling in Part 1

Inochi had no idea of what he missed. And if my knowledge is ever made public he will forever curse underestimating me. The discovery of a life time in my head and he missed it.

Inochi unwrapped my story very delicately.

He started by explaining how the mind scape was pitch black and how the air felt thick. Of the mist that covered the world like a veil. He explained how this most likely reflected the environment I had been kept in. Black like the room I was found in, mist that weighed down cloths like fear weighed down people, and thick air that made it hard to breathe just like anxiety.

He explained walking through a child's maze of mirrors looking for doors. Doors that would lead him to memories and feelings, my remembered sensations.

Then he talked of the mirrors that never reflected the one who gazed into them only the environment. How they represented a confusion in identity. I found this very confusing considering the situation (the situation where I was a child that had a life time of identity from another world), but as an infant which should literally have no identity what so ever a confusion of identity was normal, expected even.

A normal child apparently begins forming their identity when they are allowed to react to something other than themselves. Inochi explained that the pain and fear I had was like the instinct to cry for food and not the first steps in building a personality.

When no doors where found he instead investigated the mirrors. He explained that the mirrors were the doors and through them he found nothing that would mean I was still under the snakes influence.

Inochi told the two attentive listeners of the experiments that were conducted on me. Through my memories that were/are drowning in pain and fear, Inochi deciphered and listened to Orochimaru's scientific ramblings.

Hiruzen often asked for the bitter details instead of a brief summary.

It was hard to hear of my life being recounted and retold through another's mouth. Inochi was unattached and truthful. Cold, but this was an assignment not a time to sympathize. I could understand that. It was just the way he made me sound like a vandalized car while informing the "owner" of how much it will cost to buy repairs, as well as a victim.

Then he was dismissed. Most likely to write a report before returning home.

My summarization of the whole thing makes it sound like it took forever to end, but in reality it was only a few minutes.

Jiriaya left soon after. Having already given his report and done his job he was ready to go.

I was left in the arms of the old Hokage whose chakra felt overwhelming so close, even if he was suppressing as much as he could.

My discomfort must have been obvious on my face for he did his best to distract me with silly sounds and bouncing.

It worked _really_ easily. Soon I was shaking in airy giggles, tugging on his beard and acting as if no wrong had ever been done to me.

It was a welcome change.

Soon that presence from earlier reappeared. I gasped in discomfort. An Anbu. "They are coming, Hokage-sama." He said with a bow before disappearing.

I was rearranged in said Hokage's lap so that I was both sitting and laying back. My inner baby wanted more attention though and like all babies I was seconds away from crying, then the door opened.

In walked Tsume.

Kiba's mother.

Then followed Anko through the window.

"This isn't going to be a nice talk is it?" Anko questioned after a quick survey of the room.

"No." Hiruzen answered but with the way I was pressed to his chest it sounded more like a rumble.

"Tsume-san, Anko-kun" he started, "the last time I called you here it was to inform you personally of the fate of Inuzuka Ayame." He paused.

Inuzuka?

"Her body has been found." He continued with pauses. "As well as her child." Their eyes almost as one snapped to me. Their attention was terrifying even if they did not mean for it to be, and without realizing it I griped Hiruzen's robes a little tighter.

"Is that?" asked Tsume in a quiet voice.

I watched their faces for any sign of what this meant to them, but found nothing. Their body gave nothing away from what I could see. Only the voices showed any emotion. Too bad I couldn't tell what kind of emotion.

"She was pregnant?" she asked in that same quiet tone. "Why did she…"

"I do not think she knew." The Hokage answered grimly, "I do not think anyone knew."

I looked between the two as they talked. So Ai-Aya-Ayame, my mother… was having a surprise pregnancy…

Ayame Inuzuka. An unknown. Most likely having died like this originally? Should I have also died? Something definitely changed. But if I was meant to die like ..my mother…then why am I not dead? I did nothing special to make sure I survived, in fact during a lot of that time I wanted to die. So why?

"What! No!" Anko's chakra spiked and filled the room. It suffocated through the way it filled every nook and cranny, but it left the sensation of burning on my skin. It felt like a watered down version of Orochimaru and it body slammed right into me.

I cried.

"How could she have even asked for that?! I thought she didn't know she was pregnant!"

"She asked for this when she married. This was not a last minute wish, Anko-kun, Ayame planned for many scenarios. This being only one."

"Anko!" another spike in agitation. This one felt wild and untamed. "After everything Ayame has done for you, you would refuse her this one wish?"

The Hokage sighed wearily drawling back their eyes, as he bounced his arms trying to calm me. "Normally I would not push this issue; however, the child was in _his_ care."

I was already lost to the new sensations.

I studied them and analyzed them through my discomfort. These were some of the characters I loved so much. How could I possibly miss this chance to get to know them?

I cried but only a little compared to my other sessions. It probably helped that they were not _trying_ to influence me.

The wild chakra wrapped around me like a cocoon. Wild and vicious, but with a mothers care tangled in. It was surprisingly comforting and I found myself calming before it could be pushed back. "Mute?" she asked. When I opened my eyes Tsume was the one holding me.

"His doing."

Tsume grinned, showing a fang, before she handed me to Anko.

Anko still felt like snakes and watered down poison, but there was also something that was uniquely her too. Something that couldn't be put into words. Not yet, not so soon, but it gave me comfort. It gave me something to focus on, something that was different from him.

"The vocals were cut?" Tsume asked.

"Yes, it is too old to reverse the affects."

That is actually possible? I thought magical ninjas could do anything. Can they not? That is actual confusion. Not sarcasm.

A corner of the thing covering me was lifted.

"What do you think, any names coming to you?" Tsume questioned Anko still watching me, "I've already named two kids. Hey, it's a girl."

Two kids. So Kiba is around, that's good. I guess.

"Sasayoke."

I blinked.

"Hokage-sama?" asked the two older females in unison.

"It was a whisper that saved her, I thought it an appropriate name as well."

Their eyes returned to me. I watched back. Now what? I wondered. Kiba is alive so Naruto is as well most likely. But when am I? Am I their age? Konahamaru's age? Younger? Slightly older? What's going to happen to me?

What should I do?

Even though I felt like crying, I only blinked watching my two favorite characters from the older generations. For perhaps the first time, I didn't cry. And that kind of made me feel stupidly proud.

"Welcome to Konoha, Sasayoke-chan." Tsume greeted.

"The medics have concluded that other than needing food and water she –"

I tuned out the rest. I had new information of my own to stew over.

…_…

As soon as we had left the Hokage's office I was shoved right back into Tsume's arms.

"Fine, I'll help watch the kid, but you get first watch! Damn it. I don't even know how to take care of a kid!" Anko whined.

Tsume calmly adjusted me into a better position before responding. "Calm down you'll learn, besides we can't just push her off to Shiki."

Then they were both quiet.

And somewhere during their slow paced walk from point A to point B I fell asleep.

…_…

When I woke up it was to cackling laughter. It was loud and rich, it was wonderful. The first laugh these new ears had ever heard, but in the haze of sleep I forgot. When I opened my eyes I was somewhere very unfamiliar. I was in a cage.

My eyes instantly watered as I climbed to my feet in a panic. The world was a blur of colors and in my frenzied state I could not hear the laugh. My tiny fingers wrapped around the bars as much as they could. Instinct kicked in then, my lungs took in as much air as possible before releasing it as a soft keening noise - if my vocals worked properly it would have been a blood curdling scream.

"Now look what you did. You woke Sasayoke-chan."

Soon I found myself in the air. Foreign energy mingled with mine. A wild calm against my silent terror. The keening increased pitch my throat strained to keep the sound. "Shhh, you're safe. No need to cry." Soothed the voice.

"Don't go blaming me for your mothers stupid ideas!" there was a clanging somewhere. "SHUT UP TSUME!" then a wail cut through the air. My throat gave out and I became silent again.

"My poor son's going to have rashes from all your scrubbing!" someone cackled.

The arms holding me tightened, "Stop messing around and do something!"

"Fine, but she'll never learn if she doesn't practice."

Slowly the arms started to rock me. "Shhh you're alright, are you hungry?"

Then something was pressed to my mouth and although I was not crying for need of anything I still greedily took what was offered as if I was. It was probably a bottle, but what I was drinking did not taste like milk and normally that would freak me out, but it was warm and filling. I loved it instantly. "There you go."

When I was done I fell asleep once again.

…_…

I woke next from a beating. Well, not a real beating just a clumsy smack to the face. Not the best of wake up routines, yet far better than the last one.

Wide eyed and completely awake I was left to stare dumbly at my attacker. A baby that stared just as dumbfounded back.

Dark hair and eyes, cute chubby cheeks and lips puckered into a cute pout. An adorable baby boy. A baby that just smacked me.

What can you do in a situation like this?

The child lifted his little fist almost in warning when my eyes started to tear.


End file.
